Friday, March 31, 2006

One from Column B

After close to examination and some soul searching, I've finally decided to join the ala carte government movement. It just makes sense for those of us with enough resources to do things ourselves.

For instance, I don't use the street lights in the downtown 'historic' district, therefore, I will begin a petition drive to eliminate my neighborhood from having to pay for them and their upkeep. You want lights in your neighborhood, YOU pay for 'em. My porch lights work just fine.

I also don't think I should have to pay for maintenance for the downtown brick streets since I don't use those, either. Petitions are being prepared.

I rarely see police patrolling in my neighborhood, and since crime around here is rare anyway, I think I'll start a petition drive to halt payment for law enforcement. We have a few hunters in the neighborhood, and, using our Second Amendment rights, I think it'd be more cost effective to form our own neighborhood militia.

Snow plows seem to visit our neighborhood usually two or three days after the snowfall, which accomplishes nothing. I shortly will be organizing a petition drive to allow our neighborhood to stop paying for that city service. It's only a service if I want it and it serves me, right?

Streets in my neighborhood haven't had a thing done for them in years. I don't think I should have to pay for street maintenance. Prepare your petitions, gentlemen.

Likewise, street sweeping really isn't necessary since we really don't litter much around here and all of us rake and bag our own leaves. I am wlling, however, to allow the city to pick up my bagged leaves, so I won't be petitioning eliminate that service.

Likewise, I do use the library fairly regularly, so I won't be petitioning out of that service.

I've never applied for welfare or used the local DSC or health district. I don't think I should have to pay for that, either. Petitions are pending.

We've never, to my knowledge, had a flood in our neighborhood. Why should I have to pay for storm sewers? I'm working on that petition as we speak.

My house has never caught fire, nor have any of my neighbors houses, but I suppose just to be safe, I'll agree to keep paying for fire protection. But if something doesn't happen soon ....

I own a couple cars, so I soon will be passing around a petition to halt paying for bus service, since I never use it. Doubt my next door neighbor will like that, though, since their daughter uses the bus to get to college every day, but heck, I never use it, so why should I have to pay for it?

I have no children, therefore I will be petitioning to exempt myself from paying school taxes. It's only fair. It's a service I never asked for, so why should I have to pay for it?

What do I need with city planning and zoning departments? I'm not planning on moving, buying any property or starting any subdivisions. Petitions will be forthcoming there, too.

Since the precedent has been established (thanks, Scott), I really think I have a good chance of reducing my tax bill by about 90 percent, doncha think?

Get ready, Mr. Tapley, I'm expecting you and your little band of tax protesters to help pass all these petitions and campaign for all my issues.

After all, isn't ala carte governnment the only fair way to go?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know that you're not trying very hard to understand this, Ol Guy, but the MTD is a perfect example of a governmental unit whose primary purpose is to expand its revenues and geographic reach.

In my humble opinion, one of the worst aspects of Illinois government is the creation of all of these little taxing bodies that have a life of their own, are accountable to no one (seemingly), and seem to spend all of their time on self-aggrandizement.

Anonymous said...

Pffft....

Totally with you, old guy.

More and more people I know are disgruntled with Savoy and SW Champaign. I suggest they join up and start their own school district and park district and whatnot and *then* we'll see how great their property taxes are.

*Tolono* gets Savoy's library money? It's a slap in the face of Champaign and Urbana.

Seems like freeloading to me.

Anonymous said...

This is one of the best C-U blog posts ever, 'Ol Guy. Thank you.

I'm in complete agreement. :-)

Anonymous said...

Matthew,

You have incredibly low standards.

Anonymous said...

anonymous,

Or you could just be wrong.

LOL.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure you understand how some of these services work. Savoy residents can't use the Champaign library for free. Savoy has its own fire department.

Savoy residents get what they pay for. C-U residents get what they pay for (which happens to be more).

Ol' Guy said...

Somehow you assume I'm referring only to Savoy. See SW Champaign and it's MTD boondoggle as well. Although Savoy also likes it's ala carte government, too. Like you say, Savoy residents get what they pay for. But it seems like they want to pick and choose WHAT they pay for. CU residents don't have that option.