One of the few advantages to growing old is that you get to adopt a certain curmudgeonlyness. Even if you seriously irritate people with your statements, they take into account that you're getting 'up there...' One disadvantage is that as you age, more and more things that used to bounce lightly off your back begin to really piss you off. Little things. Dumb things. Picky little bitchy things.
In that vein:
Things that irritate me Part I : Central Illinois drivers:
-- Yeah, I know, we're largely based on a rural, agricultural lifestyle, but does that mean we all have to drive like we're piloting a combine down Springfield Avenue?
-- That big flashing yellow arrow in your lane means that THE LANE IS CLOSED AHEAD. Consider merging before you're a foot from the sign. The sign's not gonna magically disappear as you approach. And I'm not always gonna be nice enough to let you in.
-- That red light does not mean 'three cars still can get through.' Two max.
-- The rules of the road don't boil down to 'well I made it.' As in: "Isn't that illegal? "Well, I made it.'
-- You do not have to slow to a complete stop before making a right-hand turn into a driveway or a side street. Really.
-- It is NOT required to pick up a cell phone the minute you step on the gas pedal.
-- It IS legal to turn on your left turn signal BEFORE you enter an intersection.
-- And by the way, turn signals do not waste energy; feel free to use them frequently
-- Laws really DO apply to UPS ansd FedEx trucks. They are NOT allowed to drive the wrong way down one-way streets, block driveways and endanger half the populace of Illinois to deliver that new Salad Shooter. It just seems that way.
-- Profiling by city police may be illegal, but it sure seems to happens pretty much daily. It seems like I'd almost have to drive down Green Street at 70 mph firing an Uzi out the window to get pulled over. After all, I'm a white, middle-aged, middle class man in a white-guy middle-aged middle-class vehicle. Unlikely I'm carrying drugs or guns or stolen property that you can search for. So why bother.
-- Leaving your left-turn arrow on for miles and miles is really really stupid. (That would be me; it's broken, deal with it).
-- Think before demanding to make a left-hand turn at a busy intersection during Champaign-Urbana's rush quarter-hour (10 minutes?). Those folks honking behind you aren't signaling 'have a nice day.'
-- Kids make lousy hood ornaments; slow down to at least 50 in school zones.
-- Slow down to about 20 in Campus Town. College kids think they're immortal.
-- 'Lane Ends, Right Lane Must Yield' does not mean you should try to outrun the car in the left lane.
-- Although they're almost never enforced, there are speed limits in Champaign-Urbana. If you try to stay within 20 mph or so you should be OK
-- Consider putting you car in gear and adjusting your mirror before the light turns green. Please?
-- It is NOT cool to drive down the street with your left arm hanging completely out the window. Yeah, I can drive one-handed too. So can teen-agers. Just watch
-- I have never found in any law book that the biggest, toughest meanest vehicle always has the right-of-way. Yield once in a while, OK?
And that's just the tip of my iceberg. Told you I was getting old and crotchety.
And so it goes.
4 comments:
That big flashing yellow arrow in your lane means that THE LANE IS CLOSED AHEAD. Consider merging before you're a foot from the sign. The sign's not gonna magically disappear as you approach. And I'm not always gonna be nice enough to let you in.
As far as I can tell, this is a universal problem.
Slow down to about 20 in Campus Town. College kids think they're immortal.
No, we just think you should know better than to try to drive anywhere in campustown when classes are in session. You can park it and walk a few blocks; it's what they make us do anyway.
Congrats, Squire; you're my actual first comment!
And yeah, we townies know better than to venture into Campustown uninvited when classes are in session; sometimes, however, circumstances beyond our control require us to drive THROUGH campus. I never ever even think of parking there.
I think there's something freudian about people who buy those huge vehicles and then try to intimidate us car-driving folk ... as if they're overcompensating ... I'm tired of tailgaters. Of course, I used to live in Texas, where tailgating is the state pasttime, but it can be really bad here ... especially by the aforementioned intimidator wannabes.
You would never last driving in mid-Ohio...
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