They're everywhere, they're everywhere

Season is here! The snowbirds have arrived.

Life is suddenly less comfortable, less convenient and more crowded. More crowded by self-absorbed well-to-do retirees here to use our sunshine and look upon us locals as their personal servants.

Whee!

Sure I like their money. And I recognize this area wouldn't be nearly as prosperous and beautiful without them. And I like their money, did I mention that?

But damn.

A few hints, snowbirdies:

--It isn't all about you.

--I would still exist down here without your money. Not, perhaps as prosperously, but I'd be here. And just maybe prices would be a bit lower so I could survive just as well. You have to know that the reason prices here are so high is YOU. Gas is around $1.65 in Missouri. It's still over $2.00 here. Why? Because YOU'RE willing to pay that price. Maybe a few Maserati, Buggati, Mercedes, Bentley and Ferrari dealerships wouldn't exist if you weren't here, but those car salesmen won't let me near those cars anyway.

--It isn't all about you.

--I know you're gonna drive slowly in your big fancy car. OK, I get it, you're either lost or, being retired, you don't really have to be anywhere any time soon. OK, drive slow. Just do it in the right lane. Leave the left lane open for those of us who have to get to work (so we can serve you...)

--It isn't all about you.

--It is not necessary to brake at green lights. Yeah, I know, they MIGHT turn red. But right now, they're not. You can go right through, OK? I really don't need to get THAT close to your bumper to read your AAA sticker.

--It isn't all about you.

--Likewise, it isn't necessary to come to a complete stop before making a right turn.

--It isn't all about you.

--Turn signals can be turned off. Try it, you might like it. (I'd like to convince you that it'd save gas, but that doesn't matter to Caddy drivers, does it?)

--It isn't all about you.

--I know you like to go to movies. I know you also (many of you) are a bit hard of hearing. But that doesn't mean that you have to explain every damned scene to Mildred sitting next to you at the top of your lungs.

--It isn't all about you.

--At the grocery store, I know some of you aren't as speedy as you once were. Fine, I'm patient. But when you spend 5 minutes studying the ingredients in a can of olives (olives, juice) while completely blocking the entire aisle, you're becoming the ugly snowbird.

--It isn't all about you.

--That stop sight in front of the grocery story means you, too. You like it when others stop when the grocery boy wheels the groceries out for you. Stop for me, too. I'm not as quick as I was either.

--It isn't all about you.

--When you're in a restaurant, believe the menu. When you order your 5 p.m. early-bird senior citizen dinner, don't then insist they change the vegetables, change the potatoes, cook the entree a different way, and can I get that in a half-portion? What's the point in going out for dinner if you order exactly the same thing every time, no matter what the menu says?

And finally,

--Did I mention, it's not all about you.

Thanks for your patience. (And patience is something I have to relearn every Season.)

And so it goes.