They're everywhere, they're everywhere

Season is here! The snowbirds have arrived.

Life is suddenly less comfortable, less convenient and more crowded. More crowded by self-absorbed well-to-do retirees here to use our sunshine and look upon us locals as their personal servants.

Whee!

Sure I like their money. And I recognize this area wouldn't be nearly as prosperous and beautiful without them. And I like their money, did I mention that?

But damn.

A few hints, snowbirdies:

--It isn't all about you.

--I would still exist down here without your money. Not, perhaps as prosperously, but I'd be here. And just maybe prices would be a bit lower so I could survive just as well. You have to know that the reason prices here are so high is YOU. Gas is around $1.65 in Missouri. It's still over $2.00 here. Why? Because YOU'RE willing to pay that price. Maybe a few Maserati, Buggati, Mercedes, Bentley and Ferrari dealerships wouldn't exist if you weren't here, but those car salesmen won't let me near those cars anyway.

--It isn't all about you.

--I know you're gonna drive slowly in your big fancy car. OK, I get it, you're either lost or, being retired, you don't really have to be anywhere any time soon. OK, drive slow. Just do it in the right lane. Leave the left lane open for those of us who have to get to work (so we can serve you...)

--It isn't all about you.

--It is not necessary to brake at green lights. Yeah, I know, they MIGHT turn red. But right now, they're not. You can go right through, OK? I really don't need to get THAT close to your bumper to read your AAA sticker.

--It isn't all about you.

--Likewise, it isn't necessary to come to a complete stop before making a right turn.

--It isn't all about you.

--Turn signals can be turned off. Try it, you might like it. (I'd like to convince you that it'd save gas, but that doesn't matter to Caddy drivers, does it?)

--It isn't all about you.

--I know you like to go to movies. I know you also (many of you) are a bit hard of hearing. But that doesn't mean that you have to explain every damned scene to Mildred sitting next to you at the top of your lungs.

--It isn't all about you.

--At the grocery store, I know some of you aren't as speedy as you once were. Fine, I'm patient. But when you spend 5 minutes studying the ingredients in a can of olives (olives, juice) while completely blocking the entire aisle, you're becoming the ugly snowbird.

--It isn't all about you.

--That stop sight in front of the grocery story means you, too. You like it when others stop when the grocery boy wheels the groceries out for you. Stop for me, too. I'm not as quick as I was either.

--It isn't all about you.

--When you're in a restaurant, believe the menu. When you order your 5 p.m. early-bird senior citizen dinner, don't then insist they change the vegetables, change the potatoes, cook the entree a different way, and can I get that in a half-portion? What's the point in going out for dinner if you order exactly the same thing every time, no matter what the menu says?

And finally,

--Did I mention, it's not all about you.

Thanks for your patience. (And patience is something I have to relearn every Season.)

And so it goes.

Jes' a Few Good 'ol BoysTalkin'

Think the election of Barack Obama pretty much ended overt racism in the United States?

How naive you are. Seems there are more threats against Obama since the election than have been investigated against any other president elect. And these arent just simple Kill Him! threats. Race is all over the threats.

Earlier this week, the Secret Service looked into the case of a sign posted on a tree in Vay, Idaho, with Obama's name and the offer of a "free public hanging." In North Carolina, civil rights officials complained of threatening racist graffiti targeting Obama found in a tunnel near the North Carolina State University campus.

And in a Maine convenience store, an Associated Press reporter saw a sign inviting customers to join a betting pool on when Obama might fall victim to an assassin. The sign solicited $1 entries into "The Osama Obama Shotgun Pool," saying the money would go to the person picking the date closest to when Obama was attacked. "Let's hope we have a winner," said the sign, since taken down.

Kinda makes you proud to be an Amuhrrikun, don't it, Billy-Bob?
And that's not all, nor is it the end of the racist blather.

• In Denver, a group of men with guns and bulletproof vests made racist threats against Obama and sparked fears of an assassination plot during the Democratic National Convention in August.

• Just before the election, two skinheads in Tennessee were charged with plotting to behead blacks across the country and assassinate Obama while wearing white top hats and tuxedos.

In both cases, authorities determined the men were not capable of carrying out their plots.

In Milwaukee, police officials found a poster of Obama with a bullet going toward his head — discovered on a table in a police station.

Chatter among white supremacists on the Internet has increased throughout the campaign and since Election Day.

One of the most popular white supremacist Web sites got more than 2,000 new members the day after the election, compared with 91 new members on Election Day, according to an AP count. The site, stormfront.org, was temporarily off-line Nov. 5 because of the overwhelming amount of activity it received after Election Day. On Saturday, one Stormfront poster, identified as Dalderian Germanicus, of North Las Vegas, said, "I want the SOB laid out in a box to see how 'messiahs' come to rest. God has abandoned us, this country is doomed."

The election of Obama may have started something in America, but it sure hasn't ended all the problems.

Has it, Bubba?

And so it goes.

Dressed in rags and hand-me-downs

Oh, poor Sarah. Whatever will she wear? And how will she decide?

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin spent part of the weekend going through her clothing to determine what belongs to the Republican Party after it spent $150,000-plus on a wardrobe for the vice presidential nominee, according to Palin's father.

Palin and John McCain's campaign faced a storm of criticism over the tens of thousands of dollars spent at such high-end stores as Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus to dress the nominee. Republican National Committee lawyers are still trying to determine exactly what clothing was bought for Palin, what was returned and what has become of the rest.

Here's a hint, Sarah: If the label says Saks or Nieman Marcus, it isn't yours. If it says Wasilla Costco or WalMart, you can keep it. OK?

But apparently, it's harder than that

"She was just frantically ... trying to sort stuff out," Heath [Palin's father] said. "That's the problem, you know, the kids lose underwear, and everything has to be accounted for."

Let me get this straight, Mr. Heath. Your daughter LOST HER UNDERWEAR? May I suggest, then, looking on eBay? Craigslist?

And this is the lady who was almost one defibrillated heartbeat away from the button.

And so it goes.

Landslide

Huzzah!
Huzzah!
Huzzah!

And so it goes.

Do it. Now!

Go vote, dammit.
NOW!

And so it goes.